In IFS therapy (Internal Family Systems), we often talk about “parts” of ourselves—different internal voices or aspects of our personality that hold specific roles, feelings, and strategies. Some parts carry pain. Others try to manage our lives to prevent that pain from surfacing. And then there are the parts that step in when pain does break through, or when it threatens to overwhelm us. These are what IFS calls firefighter parts.
If you’ve ever found yourself binge-watching TV late into the night, mindlessly scrolling your phone for hours, drinking too much, obsessively exercising, shutting down emotionally, or diving headfirst into work just to escape your own thoughts—you’ve met a firefighter part. These parts show up in moments of internal crisis, trying to help in the only way they know how: by putting out emotional fires.
Most people have complicated feelings about their firefighter parts. These parts are usually the most hated, both by us and by our other parts. They’re seen as self-destructive, out-of-control, lazy, impulsive, or shameful. But in IFS therapy, we view them differently. We see firefighter parts as protectors, and we know that they’re not bad, but are afraid. They’re doing whatever it takes to keep us from feeling pain we once couldn’t handle.
Begin IFS TherapyWhat Are Firefighter Parts?
In IFS, protector parts come in two main types: managers and firefighters.
Manager parts work ahead of time, trying to keep us functional, controlled, and out of emotional trouble. They might show up as perfectionism, people-pleasing, or anxious overplanning. They may show up as overworking or highly critical aspects of our personality.
Firefighters, on the other hand, come in when it’s already too late for control. When a vulnerable part—one holding old pain, fear, or shame—gets activated, and we feel flooded, overwhelmed, or raw, firefighter parts rush in to put the emotional fire out. Their goal is fast relief. That relief might look like numbing, distraction, escape, or even aggression.
Here are some common firefighter strategies:
- Substance use (alcohol, weed, food, etc.)
- Dissociation or emotional numbing
- Avoidant behaviors like sleeping or staying busy
- Rage or impulsive outbursts
- Self-harm or suicidal thinking
- Compulsive sex, shopping, gambling, or screen use
They may not make logical sense on the surface, but these behaviors are often about helping us escape from emotions or situations that seem too overwhelming to process.
Why We Hate These Parts—And Why They Deserve Compassion
Most of us feel a lot of shame about our firefighter parts. They often get us into trouble or keep us from living the life we want. They can feel immature, out of control, and deeply at odds with our values.
But when we slow down and get curious, we often find that these parts emerged early in life—sometimes when we were very young—and stepped up when we had no other tools. A child whose emotions weren’t welcomed may have learned to numb out or shut down. A teenager who faced overwhelming anxiety may have turned to food, alcohol, or zoning out just to survive.
These parts are usually carrying the burden of urgency. They’re terrified of what will happen if they don’t step in. They don’t trust that there’s another way. And often, no one has ever shown them that one exists.
The IFS Approach: Curiosity Instead of Shame
In IFS therapy, we don’t try to get rid of firefighter parts. We build relationships with them. We learn about them and listen to their stories.
When we meet these parts with curiosity and compassion rather than control or judgment, they often begin to soften. They don’t want to be in charge and most of them are actually exhausted. They’d love for us to find safer, gentler ways of caring for our pain—if they can trust that those other ways really work.
They build that trust slowly. We can’t force firefighter parts to step aside, but we can show up consistently and begin to offer them something they may never have had: a calm, connected, compassionate inner leader (what IFS calls the Self).
Get In TouchWhat It Looks Like to Tend to Firefighter Parts
Here’s how we might begin to work with a firefighter part in IFS therapy:
1. Name what’s happening, without shame.
When you notice yourself zoning out, pouring a drink, getting reactive, or falling into a familiar pattern of escape, don’t criticize yourself. Instead, pause and say, “A part of me is here that’s trying to help.”
2. Get curious about the impulse.
Ask: What is this part trying to do for me? What is it afraid would happen if it didn’t act this way? When did it first start doing this?
3. Separate from the part enough to see it clearly.
You are not your firefighter part. It’s just one part of you, and it’s doing what it believes it has to do to keep you safe. This step helps you create space for compassion.
4. Thank it for its hard work.
Even if you don’t love the behavior, you can still appreciate the intention. These parts have often worked overtime for decades. They’re usually trying to keep you from unbearable pain.
5. Listen for what it needs.
Many firefighter parts just want you to understand them. They may need reassurance that you’re capable of caring for your system now in a way you couldn’t in the past. They may want help finding better tools. They may just want to be acknowledged.
6. Go deeper when it’s safe.
Once a firefighter part trusts you enough to step back, you can often access the vulnerable part it was protecting—grief, fear, shame, or overwhelm.
Why These Parts Deserve Our Respect
Working with firefighter parts is some of the most delicate and powerful work in IFS therapy. These parts have often carried the most stigma, the most secrecy, and the most suffering. But they are also fiercely loyal and have tried to help you even at your lowest moments.
When we begin to see them not as the enemy but as burdened protectors, we begin to stop fighting with ourselves, and then we slowlystop cycling between repression and indulgence. We offer ourselves a kind of inner care that doesn’t rely on punishment or shame.
Living With All Our Parts
Firefighter parts may never be completely gone, and that’s okay. They may always show up when pain feels overwhelming. But as your relationship with them deepens, they can learn to trust you more. They can step back more often. And your system can begin to operate with more calm, clarity, and compassion.
IFS therapy helps us move from hating our symptoms to understanding them. It helps us turn toward the parts of ourselves we were taught to push away. And in doing so, it opens up the possibility for real, lasting change.
If you’d like help with your firefighter parts, reach out for a free, 15 minute consultation.
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Emma Kobil is a trauma therapist practicing online with feminist women and thoughtful couples in Colorado and Florida. Her philosophically informed therapeutic approach focuses on helping creative and perfectionist women and couples heal. Learn more about Emma, or schedule an appointment, at mindfulcounselingdenver.com.
