Anxiety Therapy: How to Increase Your Tolerance Stress and Overwhelm

Anxiety has a way of convincing us that something terrible is about to happen. Whether it shows up as racing thoughts, a tight chest, avoidance, or irritability, anxiety sends a loud, urgent message: you’re not safe. It tells us to run, hide, avoid, or try to control our circumstances.

And while these responses may offer short-term relief, they often lead to us feeling constricted and more fearful over time. What starts as nervousness about a work presentation or a difficult conversation can grow into chronic dread, perfectionism, or a constant sense of being on edge.

Anxiety is part of being human—it’s our nervous system’s way of trying to keep us safe. But for many of us, the system is miscalibrated. Past experiences, trauma, or chronic stress can make our brains perceive threat where there is none. So the real work of anxiety therapy is to help your nervous system recalibrate, not to get rid of anxiety altogether.

That means slowly teaching your brain and body that what you’re afraid of isn’t actually dangerous, and that you can handle more than your anxiety wants you to believe.

The Problem with Avoidance

Most people dealing with anxiety start trying to avoid the things that make them anxious. If public speaking makes your heart race, you might turn down opportunities to speak. If social situations feel overwhelming, you might isolate yourself. If conflict makes you feel shaky, you might become overly accommodating and people pleasing.

The kicker is that avoidance works in the short term—it gives you temporary relief from the things that scare you. But over time, it confirms the belief that the thing you’re avoiding is dangerous, and that you can’t handle it. The more you avoid, the scarier the anxiety feels when it inevitably resurfaces.

In anxiety therapy, we work to reverse that cycle—not by flooding you with fear or pushing you into triggering situations—but by gently helping you stay with the feeling just a little longer than you normally would. The goal is to build tolerance—to help your system realize that discomfort isn’t the same as danger.

Inviting Anxiety In: Forming A New Relationship With Fear

Anxiety softens when it’s met with curiosity instead of fear. Rather than fighting anxiety or trying to make it disappear, we want to instead work on changing our relationship with it.

Start by noticing the first signs of anxiety and gently turning toward them instead of away. What’s happening in your body? What thoughts are coming up? What is this part of you trying to protect you from?

You’re not trying to solve or suppress the anxiety in that moment. You’re simply being with it—with some support and structure—so that your nervous system can start to register, “I can feel this and be okay.” Over time, this becomes a powerful form of exposure that helps anxiety lose its grip.

Teaching Your Brain What’s Safe

Our brains are constantly scanning for danger, especially if we’ve experienced trauma or chronic stress. Even something objectively safe—like sending a vulnerable text or going to an improv class for the first time—can light up our threat system. But just because your body reacts with anxiety doesn’t mean you’re actually in danger.

In anxiety therapy, we work to retrain the brain by creating opportunities for corrective emotional experiences*.* These are moments when you face something your brain expected to be dangerous, and it turns out to be tolerable, safe or even positive.

This might look like:

• Sharing a need or boundary in a relationship and noticing you’re still connected afterward.
• Making a small mistake and realizing you’re not rejected or humiliated.
• Sitting with a wave of panic without trying to push it away and noticing that it passes.

Each time you allow yourself to stay present with anxiety in an intentional and self loving way, you’re helping your brain and body learn: This is hard, but it’s not dangerous. I can handle this.

Take Small, Sustainable Steps

One of the most important parts of anxiety therapy is being gentle and not pushing too hard too soon. You don’t have to dive into your biggest fears right away. In fact, doing so can backfire and reinforce the idea that anxiety is overwhelming or unmanageable.

Instead, we focus on small, doable steps that gently stretch your tolerance. If social situations trigger anxiety, we might start with short get togethers with people who seem ‘easier.’ If you fear failure, we might practice letting small tasks like writing an email to your boss be “good enough” instead of perfect. Each small step is a chance to build trust in yourself and expand your capacity.

This is not about “pushing through” anxiety or pretending it’s not there. It’s about learning to stay present with it by breathing through the discomfort, offering kindness to the scared parts of yourself, and noticing what’s actually happening in the present moment instead of what your fear is telling you.

Working with the Nervous System

Anxiety doesn’t just exist in your mind—it shows up in your body. That’s why effective anxiety therapy includes nervous system work. This might mean learning grounding techniques, moving, or simply developing more awareness of your body’s cues.

When we can recognize the early signs of anxiety in our bodies—tight shoulders, clenched jaw, shallow breathing—we can begin to intervene earlier. We can slow down, check in, and remind ourselves that we’re safe.

In my work with clients, I incorporate somatic techniques that help you build a felt sense of safety. When your body starts to believe that you are safe—even in moments of stress—your whole system becomes more flexible, open, and responsive.

Letting Go of Self-Judgment

Many people with anxiety also struggle with shame. You might think you should be able to handle more or that you’re too sensitive. You might criticize yourself for feeling overwhelmed, or for avoiding things that seem easy to others.

And this self judgment is often one of the most painful things about the anxiety experience. To heal anxiety, we must first work on developing compassion for yourself. Anxiety isn’t a weakness or a flaw. It’s a survival response that developed for a reason.

When you start to see your anxious parts as trying to protect you—however misinformed they might be—it becomes easier to meet them with kindness. And when those parts feel seen and understood, they begin to relax.

Anxiety Therapy Can Help You Build a New Baseline

Anxiety therapy isn’t a quick fix helps you build a more spacious, grounded relationship with yourself. You’ll begin to trust your capacity to feel difficult emotions without being overtaken by them. You’ll learn to stay present in moments of stress instead of shutting down or spiraling, and you’ll become less reactive and more able to choose how you want to respond.

Anxiety doesn’t have to run your life. You can carry it with you, kindly and compassionately, as you move toward the life you want to live.

If you’re looking for anxiety therapy that helps you build lasting resilience and calm, I’d love to support you. I offer online therapy for women who want to feel more grounded, confident, and free.

Emma Kobil is a trauma therapist practicing online with feminist women and thoughtful couples in Colorado and Florida. Her philosophically informed therapeutic approach focuses on helping creative and perfectionist women and couples heal. Learn more about Emma, or schedule an appointment, at mindfulcounselingdenver.com.