Have you ever had a moment where things were going well—maybe your relationship feels stronger, your work life is stable, or you’re finally enjoying some peace—and instead of fully settling into it, you find yourself bracing for something bad to happen?
You find yourself unable to enjoy the moment, but instead, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It’s an exhausting way to live: constantly scanning for danger, emotionally preparing for the worst, and struggling to trust the good when it finally shows up. You might even feel a little shame about it. After all, nothing is wrong, you tell yourself—so why can’t you just relax?
If you relate to this, you’re not broken and you are capable of rest and joy.
Hypervigilance often has roots in trauma—whether that’s big, obvious trauma or more chronic, subtle experiences of emotional neglect, instability, or betrayal. When your nervous system has learned that safety isn’t reliable, it becomes wired to always look for the threat. Not because you’re dramatic or pessimistic, but because your system is intelligent and is trying to protect you.
Get In TouchWhy Do You Feel Anxious When Things Are Going Well?
When you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop, your nervous system is not reacting to what’s happening right now—it’s reacting to trauma in your past. It’s drawing on a lifetime of patterns and trying to make sure you don’t get caught off guard again.
When you’ve been through pain or betrayal, or when your childhood lacked the consistent attunement and protection you needed, your brain and body learned that safety was temporary. You may have learned to expect that any moment of calm would be followed by chaos. That’s not a personal flaw, but a smart adaptive response.
Your brain’s job is to keep you alive. And one of its key strategies is to predict what’s going to happen next based on past experiences. So if your past holds sudden losses, emotional whiplash, or a sense that love can be taken away without warning, your nervous system might stay on high alert even when you logically know things are okay.
A Look at the Nervous System and Survival Responses
When we talk about trauma, we’re really talking about what happens to the nervous system in response to huge life stressors.
Your body is equipped with a built-in alarm system—the autonomic nervous system—that helps you respond to danger. When it perceives threat, it activates a fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response. This is incredibly useful in the face of real danger.
But the tricky part is that trauma can leave your system stuck in that threat-detection mode, even when the threat is long gone.
Hypervigilance—the sense that something bad is always just around the corner—is a hallmark of a nervous system that has learned to survive by being on guard. It’s not always loud or obvious. It can look like:
- Trouble sleeping even when you’re tired
- Feeling anxious when things are calm
- Not trusting positive experiences
- Replaying old hurts and what-ifs in your mind
- Struggling to fully receive love or care
These are protective parts of you trying to make sure you’re not blindsided. They came online to help you cope. And while they may not be serving you in the present, they have a long history of trying to keep you safe.
How Trauma Therapies Like EMDR Can Help
If this resonates with you, I want you to know: it doesn’t have to be this way forever. Healing is possible and trauma therapies like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be powerful tools in helping your nervous system finally come out of high alert.
EMDR works by helping the brain reprocess stuck trauma memories that are keeping you in a loop of fear and reactivity. Instead of just talking about the past, EMDR allows your brain to digest it—so that what happened then doesn’t keep informing how you feel now.
Clients often describe a shift that’s hard to explain. They’ll say things like, “I still remember what happened, but it just doesn’t have the same grip on me anymore.” Or, “I can actually enjoy the good things without waiting for them to disappear.”
This is an example of trauma healing through the nervous system settling.
Begin EMDR TherapyLearning to Trust Safety Again
Part of healing from trauma is learning to recognize when your nervous system is reacting to the past, and gently inviting it into the present. This doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel safe when you don’t. It means building safety slowly, over time, in small ways your system can handle.
Some ways to begin building this trust include:
- Noticing and naming when you feel activated, and offering yourself compassion instead of shame
- Grounding in the present with your senses—what do you see, hear, feel, smell, or taste right now?
- Practicing co-regulation—spending time with safe people who help your system soften
- Working with a trauma-informed therapist who can help you move at your own pace
In EMDR and other somatic therapies, we often help clients develop inner resources—images, sensations, or memories that help them feel calm and grounded. These tools give your nervous system new experiences of safety to draw from.
You Don’t Have to Be on Guard Forever
If you’re reading this and nodding along, I want to acknowledge how exhausting it is to always be waiting for the other shoe to drop. That hyperawareness has probably served you in some way. But you deserve more than survival. You deserve to experience rest, connection and joy.
But that kind of change doesn’t happen through willpower or forcing positive thinking. It happens through compassionate, body-based healing that honors the wisdom of your protective parts—and helps them finally let go.
You don’t have to do this alone. If you’re looking for EMDR therapy or trauma-informed care online in Colorado or Florida, I’m here to help. Together, we can support your nervous system in feeling safe enough to trust the good, stay present, and create a life that doesn’t feel like it’s always on the edge of falling apart.
Interested in learning more about how EMDR can help? Reach out for a free consultation:
Get In Touch
Emma Kobil is a trauma therapist practicing online with feminist women and thoughtful couples in Colorado and Florida. Her philosophically informed therapeutic approach focuses on helping creative and perfectionist women and couples heal. Learn more about Emma, or schedule an appointment, at mindfulcounselingdenver.com.
