Q: Many women who struggle with chronic people-pleasing also experience unexplained chronic pain, like migraines, jaw tension, or digestive issues. Can you explain the somatic connection between suppressing our boundaries and experiencing physical pain?
When you chronically override your needs, saying yes when you mean no, staying quiet when something doesn’t feel right, those unspoken words do not just disappear. They live in the body. Over time, the body begins to carry what has not been expressed: tension in the jaw from holding back words, tightness in the chest from swallowing emotions, digestive issues from constantly bracing. You can feel like you have successfully suppressed your needs because nothing is being said out loud, but internally, your nervous system is still tracking the mismatch. It knows when something is not right.
From a physiological standpoint, the fawn response is a survival strategy rooted in appeasing others to stay safe. That means your system is often in a subtle but chronic state of activation, monitoring, adjusting, overextending. Muscles stay engaged. Breath becomes shallow. There is less space for true settling. Over time, that chronic activation can absolutely manifest as chronic pain. And while that can feel frustrating or even unfair, I actually see it as something deeply protective. Your body is not betraying you, it is communicating with you. It is saying, “Hey, something here needs your attention.” Pain, in this context, becomes less of an enemy and more of an invitation back into a relationship with yourself.
Q: Many of the women reading this are intimately familiar with PTSD and the “fawn” response, but fewer know about Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG) as an active therapeutic modality. How do you define PTG in your practice, and how does this framework differ from simply “looking on the bright side” or toxic positivity?
Post-Traumatic Growth somatic therapy, in my practice, is not about reframing something painful into something positive or trying to find a silver lining from C/PTSD before the body is ready. It is about creating enough safety, internally and in the nervous system, to begin relating to your experience in a new way. That often starts with fully acknowledging what actually happened, rather than minimizing it or brushing it off with “it wasn’t that bad.” A big part of PTG somatic therapy is allowing the reality of your experience to land and integrating it into a more cohesive, honest story. That alone can be profoundly regulating.
From there, growth is not something you force, it is something that emerges as your system has more capacity. It is about gently shifting your attention, noticing where there might be space for something different, and allowing yourself to step out of old, survival based patterns when it feels possible. That is very different from toxic positivity, which often bypasses the body and dismisses real pain. PTG somatic therapy does not rush the process. It makes room for the hard truths and opens the door for new ways of being to develop alongside them.
Q: One of the core tenets of the PTG framework is that profound growth and deep grief can exist in the exact same space. How do you guide a client to hold space for the very real anger or sorrow of her trauma, while actively facilitating this post-traumatic growth?
One of the most powerful things we can do is help someone notice that multiple experiences can exist in their body at the same time. Instead of feeling like they have to choose between grief or growth, we begin by simply tracking both. Where does the anger or sadness live in your body? What does it feel like? And at the same time, is there even a small part of you that feels steady, curious, or relieved? The act of differentiating these experiences, feeling how they are distinct but coexisting, can start to shift the nervous system out of all or nothing states.
This is not about forcing growth or trying to override grief. It is about expanding capacity. When the body learns that it can hold both, something softens. Grief does not have to be pushed away, and growth does not feel like a betrayal of your pain. They begin to inform each other. Over time, this creates a deeper sense of internal stability, where you are not defined solely by what happened to you, but you are also not disconnected from it. You are able to be with it, while also allowing something new to emerge through PTG somatic therapy.
Q: If an exhausted, burnt-out woman is reading this right now and feels entirely disconnected from her body and her own needs, what is one small, somatic practice or PTG reflection she can try today to spark that initial connection to her healing?
Burnout feels like this quiet but constant tension of “I want to, but I can’t.” There is a part of you that knows you need something different–maybe less commitments or expectations–but your system does not feel like it has the capacity to access it. Instead of pushing through that, I would invite you to embrace it. Experiment with leaning into the “I cannot” feeling just a little. What happens if you do not override it for a moment? What if that feeling is actually your body asking for room to slow down, to pull back, to exist without performing? Even a few moments of honoring that can begin to shift your relationship with yourself in a meaningful way.
About the Author:
Martha Carter, LCSW is a Colorado-based trauma therapist specializing in somatic therapy for anxiety and trauma recovery. She works with high-functioning, high-achieving individuals who feel stuck in overthinking, people-pleasing, or chronic stress, and are ready to move out of survival mode and into real change.
Her approach is rooted in somatic therapy, focusing on nervous system regulation and embodied change rather than just talking. Martha also offers immersive therapy sessions for high achievers who are ready to go deep, do the real work, and create meaningful, lasting shifts. If you want to book a session, contact her here.
