Romantic relationships are hard. No matter how much love you have for one another, it’s normal to experience moments of disconnection, misunderstanding, and frustration. Couples therapy may be able to help you reconnect with your partner.
Maybe you’re feeling stuck in the same argument over and over again or perhaps you’ve started to feel more like roommates than romantic partners. Maybe one of you wants more intimacy or closeness and it feels like your partner has pulled away and shut down.
If you’re reading this, you might be wondering if it’s time for couples therapy, and how to bring up the idea to your partner, especially since your partner might not be on the same page. The fact that you are here asking these questions shows that you care about the relationship.
It’s important to note that couples therapy isn’t just for couples who are on the verge of breaking up. In fact, seeking support before things feel completely unmanageable or unsafe can be one of the best things you can do for your relationship.
Here’s how to know when couples therapy (or a couples therapy intensive) might be a good idea—and why it’s okay if one of you is more ready than the other.
Begin Couples Therapy1. You Keep Having the Same Arguments (And They Never Really Get Resolved)
Does it feel like you and your partner are stuck in a loop? Maybe it starts with something small—dirty dishes in the sink, an unanswered text, or differing opinions on how to spend the weekend—but before you know it, you’re both saying things you regret and feeling completely misunderstood.
This isn’t just frustrating; it’s exhausting. EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy) helps couples recognize these patterns, not just by looking at the surface-level conflict, but by uncovering the deeper emotional needs underneath the conflict.For example, maybe the argument about chores isn’t really about the dishes—it’s about feeling unseen or unappreciated.
Couples therapy can help you understand what’s really going on beneath the fights, so you can respond to each other in a way that fosters closeness instead of pushing each other away.
2. One (or Both) of You Is Struggling with Trust
Trust is foundational for having a strong relationship, but trust can get broken in a myriad of different ways. If trust has been broken—whether through infidelity, dishonesty, or repeated letdowns—it can be difficult to rebuild it on your own.
And trust issues don’t always come from big betrayals. Sometimes, they stem from past wounds, attachment trauma, or a history of feeling emotionally unsafe in relationships. Couples therapy can help both of you explore these fears with compassion, and navigate why betrayals have occurred so you can work towards a relationship that feels safe again.
Start Couples Therapy3. You’re Feeling More Like Roommates Than Partners
Emotional and physical intimacy naturally ebbs and flows, but if you’re feeling like the romantic connection is gone, it can help to explore why in a safe space.
Sometimes, distance happens because of external stressors like work, parenting, or other life pressures. Other times, old wounds and resentments have quietly built up, making it hard to be vulnerable with each other.
Trauma-informed couples therapy helps you reconnect in a way that feels safe, without forcing anything that isn’t ready yet.
4. If Feels Like One of You Wants More Emotional or Physical Intimacy Than the Other
It’s common for one person in a relationship to have a stronger desire for emotional or physical closeness than the other. But if this difference is leading to hurt feelings, rejection, or pressure, it can create a cycle of distance that’s hard to break.
Therapy can help you both understand what’s underneath these differences—because often, it’s not just about sex or affection, but about deeper needs for connection, safety, and reassurance.
5. You Struggle to Communicate Your Needs Without Feeling Guilty
Advocating for your own needs in a relationship can feel vulnerable, especially if you’ve been conditioned to put others first. But relationships thrive when both people feel heard, valued, and supported.
If you find yourself holding back what you really want or need (because you don’t want to cause conflict, seem “needy,” or overwhelm your partner), therapy can help you unlearn those patterns. You deserve to be in a relationship where your needs matter just as much as your partner’s.
5. You Love Each Other, But You’re Stuck
Maybe you’ve tried talking this through yourselves countless times and you don’t get anywhere. Maybe one or both of you ends up getting defensive or shutting down. It feels like things just aren’t working and feeling disconnected, misunderstood, or unsure of how to move forward.
I’m here to tell you that with the right support, healing and change are absolutely possible. Couples therapy gives you the tools to break free from old patterns, communicate in a way that actually lands, and build a relationship that feels deeply fulfilling for both of you.
Begin Couples CounselingCouples Therapy Isn’t a Last Resort—It’s a Gift to Your Relationship
…And A Note: It’s Ok If One of You Feels More Ready for Therapy Than the Other
If you feel like your relationship could use support but your partner isn’t fully on board yet, know that this is common. One person often reaches the realization that couples therapy would be helpful first, while the other may be more hesitant, worried about being blamed, or unsure if therapy will help.
The truth is that couples therapy doesn’t involve blaming or taking sides. It’s not about proving who’s right or wrong. It’s about understanding each other in a deeper, more meaningful way.
If your partner is hesitant, it can help to frame therapy as a space to improve your relationship together—not as a sign that something is “wrong” with either of you.
If they’re still unsure, individual therapy can be a good starting point to explore your own feelings, patterns, and strategies for communicating your needs. Often, when one partner starts working on themselves, it naturally invites the other to engage in the process too.
Couples Therapy: You Don’t Have To Wait Until It’s Really Difficult
So many couples wait until things feel completely unmanageable before seeking help. But therapy isn’t just for relationships in crisis. It’s for any couple that wants to strengthen their connection, understand each other better, and navigate challenges with more ease.
If you’re wondering whether couples therapy is right for you, that’s a sign it’s worth exploring. You don’t have to have everything figured out before reaching out.
If you’re ready to take the next step, I offer a free 20-minute consultation to answer any questions you might have and see if we’d be a good fit. Let’s work together to create a relationship that feels connected, safe, and fulfilling.
Start Couples Counseling*******************************************
Emma Kobil is a licensed professional counselor practicing online in Colorado and Florida. Her philosophically informed therapeutic approach focuses on helping creative and perfectionist women and couples heal. Learn more about Emma, or schedule an appointment, at mindfulcounselingdenver.com.
